Snake, you created a time paradox !
by arborealkey
Summary: 2005, Shadow Moses Island. In the middle of Alaska, Solid Snake runs into...Big Boss ? If that was not enough, Raiden decides to show up too. Before him and Snake ever met. One possibility left: Otacon made some tests with his new time machine.
1. Alaska is cold

**WARNING !**

**This fic might contain some spoilers.**

**Just kidding. The text below actually contains far too many spoilers. So if you didn't play the games or you hate the MGS series (in which case I could wonder why you're still reading this) you might not want to read the fiction.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own MGS, otherwise the whole saga would be playable on PC (I recently found out that The Phantom Pain will be available on Steam \o/ !)**

**Let's move to the fanfic, hope you'll enjoy it !**

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_**Shadow Moses, Alaska, 2005**_

As ever, Solid Snake was crawling into a dark, sticky air duct. His radar couldn't function properly in such a narrow space, but this lack of usability was the least of his concerns. There were no enemies into air ducts, thus no need to follow guards real-time patrols. Muscular soreness, thanks to sneaking in a space wide enough for his shoulders, will bother him for a few hours. However, a lightly aching body remained a light price to pay for some time without a bunch of guards hot on his trial. Since he wasn't expecting to run into anybody as long as he stayed in the pipe,Snake couldn't help but gasp in surprise when, at the bend of a canalization, he bumped into a man. Moreover, a man with the same features as...his ? Before taking a closer look at his doppelganger, Snake tried to grab a radio handset before he remembered that Mei Ling designed a Codec merged into the user's body. He called the 140.85 frequency (since Codec calls could pause the game, hiding before using it was the last thought which came in mind). Roy Campbell, always in the job, answered almost immediately.

"What's up, Snake ?" Campbell brightly asked.

"Major, that was Mei Ling's catchphrase" indicated Snake. "And I didn't call to save. My problem is far much important. I was ambushed by myself. I mean, someone who looks exactly like myself. Minus the right eye. And before I cut my locks and shave."

"Speaking of that, how did you manage to find a hairdresser right in the middle of Alaska ?" asked a pensive Major, apparently not willing to stay on topic for some obscure reason. "Given that you're carrying kilos of weapons and ammo but no knife, I suppose that you couldn't cut your hair by yourself."

This was however an accurate remark coming for once from Roy Campbell. He just figured out Metal Gear Solid (first of his name) greatest irony: Snake could level the whole Shadow Moses island to the ground using his impressive arsenal though cutting a dry sausage remained an inaccessible action, yet an essential one. Maybe the fact that sausages wasn't the most common item available in wild Alaska could have a significant consideration. Campbell wondered briefly if Snake's lack of carving set was the reason his nanomachines kept preventing him from hunger suffering since he wasn't carrying anything to cut or eat some food. The major could have even more got off topic if Snake's voice had not roused him from his thoughts.

"Major...you can't even remember what happened a few hours ago...I cut my hair right before leaving for Shadow Moses. You were saying some random things about the incoming mission while Naomi was threatening me with this deadly weapon..."

Based upon the content of this very syringe, "deadly" couldn't be a more accurate qualifier.

-A needle, Snake. That deadly weapon is called a needle. So you said your mullet was still here back there ?

-Major, your excessive concern for my hair is becoming a bit disturbing...

Luckily for Campbell, Snake couldn't see his face by Codec and didn't notice the major's sorrowful expression.

"Let's just go back to my encounter issue and shelve the hairstyle one for now." suggested Snake.

This proposal managed to cheer Campbell up. Switching topics was an activity he was good at after so many years of practice.

"By the way, I'm pretty sure you already forgot why you called me at first."

Roy Campbell figured out Snake's selective memory long ago. The legendary Solid Snake made his less legendary « too-bad-I-forgot » face. A Codec with a video streaming feature would have offered a shameful time to Snake and a burst of laughter to the major.

« I remember ! » almost shouted Snake, forgetting the fact that the major was wearing headphones, and savagely killing his eardrums at the same time.

Noticing the major's high-pitched squeak in response to his ears' aggression, Snake repeated « I remember » slightly less loudly.

"Go ahead" said a still-grimacing major, adding some speakers to his shopping list.

-I was practicing my favorite activity -I mean sneaking- in a cocky little air duck and found someone enjoying the same leisure : crawling. That could be a random encounter if he didn't look just like myself. Still, a yeti version of myself.

The major raised one eyebrow. « What do you mean by a yeti version of yourself ? »

-Me in the second MGS game.

-We've not even made it through the first game, how could I know your appearance within the second one ?

-With the whole mullet-beard thing !

The word "mullet" managed to draw the major's attention. The conversation was about hair again ! This was getting interesting ! "Pull yourself together, Roy" Campbell said to himself. He took upon himself and did his best to ignore the hairstyle allusion.

"You said he's lacking his right eye ?" quietly asked the major in a victorious attempt to switch topics.

Snake nodded, which served no purpose for the major since video streaming wasn't supported yet by the Codec. Netherless, Campbell seemed to _feel_ Snake's positive answer.

« There is only one possibility left » slowly said the major. « You just ran...crawled into Big Boss. Who was killed. By you. Even for a Kojima game, that's pretty weird.»

At this very moment, Campbell totally lost Snake, who wasn't following anymore and chose to adopt a classic uncertain expression before asking "I killed Big Boss ?When was that ?"

"In Metal Gear 2, Snake..." responded Campbell with an almost imperceptibly sigh. "Geez, this game even have your name and you still forgot what you did in it." he mouthed so Snake didn't caught this sentence. A needless precaution, Snake wasn't paying attention anyways.

-Supposing that he wasn't completely dead, the age doesn't even match.

-What do you mean ?

-The guy in the air duct is about my age. There is no way he could be Big Boss, he's far too young. If he wasn't dead, he would be about his seventies now.

"By the way, how old are you, Snake ?" asked a feminine voice with a slightly mischievous tone, sneaking into the conversation.

"That's none of your business, Naomi" the involved coldly answered.

"This man, in the conduct, he refused to say anything about himself ?" said the major louder than usual, trying to cover Naomi's indignant protests.

Thanks, once more to the audio-only codec, nobody noticed the light blush on Snakes's cheeks.

"Actually..." he began with embarrassment "I didn't say anything to him and called you first."

"I cannot decide between calling you a moron or a wise man... " said the major with a loud sigh. "You should better hang up and try to approach him rather than keeping the line busy."

Without one more word, Solid Snake hung up and faced his doppelganger. He swallowed while trying to find a badass catchphrase to begin with.

"Who the hell are you ?!" asked Snake in a quite impressive shout

The other one immediately drew a gun AND a knife. The gun's butt was somehow carved in order to receive the knife's handle. Despite the weapon arsenal he was carrying, Snake had never wanted a knife so badly.

Noticing the eager glance Snake was giving to his ordinary knife, the other guy smiled and said "You haven't seen anything yet : I even have a fork. With which I tried to mutilate Johnny Sasaki."

In spite of not having any idea of who this Sasaki guy could be, Snake was lost in admiration at his double. He managed to pull himself together despite the fact that the one he was facing owned both fork and knife.

"What's your name ?" asked Snake, watching the stranger right in the eyes, or at least in the only one he had left.

"I don't have a name." answered the other with a rough « smoker-since-1935 » voice.

"Neither do I !" explained Snake with bright eyes. It wasn't much, but he had at least something in common with his knife hero. However, one question was still bothering him.

"But when I want to call you, what should I say ?" timidly asked Snake

The other one let slip a sigh. "You can call me Snake."

The first Snake's eyes went wide as he realized that his codename was identical to his new hero's one. He hold out a slightly trembling hand to Snake #2, who gave a suspicious look at it without deigning to drop the weapons occupying both his hands to return the gesture. After a few minutes passed with his right arm outstretched towards his idol, Snake #1 gave up on shaking hands with Snake #2. This very moment would remain stuck in his memories and fill him with sadness every time he will remember it.

"I'm Solid Snake" he said.

"Naked Snake" simply answered the other.

'Naked ?" Snake #1 stammered, an adult-only image slowly getting into his mind, and somehow staying stuck in it.

Di-ling ! The bell-like sound almost made Snake #2 jump. Giving the fact that he was lying on his belly in an air duct, jumping would have been a painful experience for his head, which wasn't new to blows.

"What the hell was that sound ?" he whispered angrily.

Snake #1 blushed, fortunately, the air duct was dark enough to let it unnoticed. « Sorry, that was just my awkward-situation alarm » he said miserably. «Mei Ling designed the device responsible of the sound you just heard. »

"Who is Mei Ling ?" asked a quite interested Naked Snake as soon as he recognized this name as a female one. His curiosity getting the upper hand on his seriousness, he felt obliged to add : "Is she even cute ?"

"She's actually quite cute" admitted Solid Snake, remembering of the data analyst's crush for him.

Snake #2 added a meeting with this Mei Ling to his mental checklist, between the lines "Find some cardboard boxes" and "Get more boxes".

"Anyways, you should mute this absurd alarm", he went on, once he finished his checklist. "What word didn't you catch in _Tactical Espionage Action_ to use something like that INSIDE the enemy base ?"

Snake #1 was almost as ashamed as the time he split some Irish Coffee all over the major's jacket, his eyes reflecting a brand new « I-want-to-bury-myself-under-Raven's-tank » mood. His face was expressing such a deep despair that Snake #2 nearly felt sorry for him.

Nearly. No need to exaggerate.

He sighed and put away both gun and knife before reluctantly laying his hand on one of Snake #1 shoulders, who seemed to quiver at the touch.

"Let's get out of this pipe first" suggested Naked Snake. "Remaining motionless is making me freeze."

Solid Snake, who would never imagine disobey an order from his new idol (he had already beaten Snake Pliskeen in his list of badass characters), immediately started to crawl forwards. Until he collide with Naked Snake, who was going the opposite way when they ran into each others, and was therefore facing him.

"I suppose I'll have to turn around, then..." sighed the bearded Snake, thinking of how he would manage to realize this kind of maneuver in such a narrow space. After a few attempts which only ended up in Snake #2 foot violently hitting Snake #1 nose, he resigned himself to get out of the conduct backwards. In this day, the famous Naked Snake also became the pioneer of what will later be called "Reverse sneaking". Needless to say it, of all the contribution he had made to the Metal Gear Wiki so far, it wasn't one he would ever be proud of. Eventually, he would be asked about it and respond "Reverse sneaking was Solid Snake's idea" .

A few crawls later, the Snake moving in the right direction (not backwards) caught a glimpse of an invigorating - although resource intensive – snowstorm. The exit.

Snake #2 (crawling backwards) stopped when his feet got in contact with someone else's. A guard was sleeping upright, blocking the exit. That was a mere supposition, given that he was facing the other Snake instead of the exit and couldn't see anything of what was going on outside.

"I think there's a guard asleep out there" he whispered. "We can't get out of here, he's on the way."

-I'll try something. Get behind me !

-The pipe is too narrow. The both of us won't pass at the same time.

-That'll work.

Snake #1 squeezed up against one of the conduct's vertical walls while Snake #2 started crawling forwards. When they passed each others, the two of them feared that they would remain stuck in such an embarrassing position, but after some strange movements, they managed to switch places.

Solid Snake was now facing the guard's feet. He quickly undid the sleeping man's laces and used it to tie his shoes together.

"What are you doing ?" whispered the other Snake, unable to see what was going on with the guard.

Solid Snake suddenly grabbed the still sleeping guard by the ankles and pushed him. With his feet fastened together, the soldier couldn't do anything but fall straight in the snow.

"Snake, I can't see anything, what was this noise ? What do you see ?"

Solid Snake took this last question literally and started to describe the environment in front of his eyes.

-I see some...legs exceeding a snowdrift. Man, this guard fell headfirst !

Not expecting a better explanation about the presence of a guard in a snowdrift, Snake #2 kept his mouth shut about it and simply asked "Can we _now_ get out of here ?"

Both Snakes emerged of the pipe in the middle of an Alaska-style snowstorm.

"We can talk fearless, now. The only guard around is the one stuck under two inches of fresh snow" affirmed Snake #1, wiping the blood still running from his nose thanks to his doppelganger's unintentional kick.

-How can you say that ?

-There is nothing on my radar. You don't have one ?

-Your radar...like the ones...in the planes ?

Solid Snake, although he was surprised his idol wasn't equipped with a radar similar as his, simply responded : "Mei Ling designed it. She's the one qualified to answer technical questions."

Thanks to the daylight (even if the snow was doing it harm), Solid Snake could distinguish better the other's features. At least the part not hidden with blood-covered hair or beard. His unique eye was identical in all aspects to his two. Pale blue and sharp. He was even wearing a bandana similar to the strip surrounding his own forehead. His hairstyle made Snake regret he cut off his mullet before the mission, in order to not look like this Big Boss everyone was speaking of. For the clothes part, he was wearing a sort of a black version of his own sneaking suit, with some very discreet bright orange parts around the sleeves. However, unlike Solid Snake spotlessly clean suit, since it was only the beginning of the mission, the other's one was stained with dirt and some other unidentifiable substances. Some areas were frankly blood-soaked as if he just had a narrow escape from something as wild as a T-Rex. Since they were no dinosaurs in Alaska (neither in the rest of the world, by the way) Solid Snake thought he had nothing to fear.

At least from the T-Rex.

"Where did you find this sneaking suit ?" asked Snake, his voice tainted with a boundless admiration. If Roy Campbell was obsessed with hair, Snake's couldn't keep a clear mind when the subject was turning to sneaking suits or camouflage.

The other one thought of it for an instant before answering. "f I remember well, this suit was in the locker with the MGS2 poster I put this Raikov guy in, during the Snake Eater operation"

-This is SO cool ! Even if I have no idea of what Raikov nor Snake Eater are. YOU DEFINITELY ARE AWESOME !

It didn't take long to Snake #2 before he realized that the best way to have Solid Snake dedicated to himself and use him as his pleases was to impress him. That was fine : he had plenty of other things to show him. Noticing the other's admiration for his sneaking suit, he decided to start with the clothes part. He could also use face paint to improve his camouflage, but Snake was excited enough, so he decided to put the makeup session off until later.

-And that's not all ! I can change my clothes whenever I want it.

"Show me showmeshowme !" Snake #1 was almost jumping everywhere like an all excited child, urging Snake #2 to wonder _"What on earth did they put in his food ?"_

"I can't even take off mine" sadly added Solid Snake.

Snake #2 immediately remembered that taking off his equipment was right up his streets. His "Naked" camouflage could let him topless.

And that's how the legendary Big Boss (because it was definitely him) found himself shirtless in the middle of a snowstorm for a man he hadn't worked with for more than twenty minutes. He even possessed a bathing suit he found during the Peace Walker mission, and felt glad he refrained from mentioning it in front of Snake. It we'll be better to avoid wearing such an unsuitable equipment in Alaska.

Snake's eyes went wide as his awkward-situation alarm rang.

-Didn't I say you to shut that thing ? It's almost as discreet as Metal Gear ZEKE in a potato field !

Noticing that Snake was remaining lost in his thoughts without asking anything about ZEKE, Big Boss frowned. "Huh, Snake, what's the matter ? You didn't say anything stupid for at least two minutes."

Snake slowly raised his head, his eyes reflecting an almost evil expression.

-Can you remove the other part too ?

"No, I checked to Singint. In fact, someone has to do it for me" evasively answered Big boss , thinking to his ex-half-naked « associate », EVA, rather than the consequences of such a suggestive affirmation on Snake. He made eye contact with the agent and realized his unfortunate mistake.

-Snake ?

"Huh ?" innocently responded Solid Snake, adopting his favorite "I'll-never-do-something-wrong" face.

"You're not thinking of removing my trousers too, right" suspiciously said Big Boss.

"What is leading you to believe such a thing ?" exclaimed the defendant, trying to hide the delicate cherry color of his cheeks.

"Di-ling !" rang his awkward-situation alarm, betraying him at the same time.

"That sound, incidentally" sighed Big Boss, attempting to hide his smile.

Snake took once more his "I-want-to-bury-myself-under-Raven's-tank" face. Roy Campbell would love this expression. Speaking of the devil, he received a codec call.

"Snake !" said Campbell. "Mei Ling informed that your alarm rang three times ! And since, despite being the person in charge of this operation, I have no idea of what it's indicating, I thought that a call would be the wisest thing to do."

-Actually, that was my awkward-situation alarm.

-That doesn't explain the fact it was ringing...

-Huh...in fact...

-I guess we can take care of it later. By the way, who finally was that man you were speaking about ?

Snake suddenly remembered why he called the major the first time. And that he had in a way totally forgotten to ask the stranger about himself.

-I only know that his codename is Naked Snake. Does it ring any bell to you ? I'm pretty sure you've never been in contact with him.

"Goddammit, Snake !" burst Campbell. "Did you even play Portable Ops ?"

-What are you talking about ?

-YOU'RE HAVING A WALK WITH BIG BOSS YOUR IDIOT ! How could you not notice it ? He was your commandant in the first Metal Gear game and you even managed to kill him twice. How is it possible to forget someone you killed TWICE ?

Taking advantage of Snake's sympathetic codec conversation, Big Boss put one knee to the ground and tried to contact Huey Emmerich using his miraculously intact radio.

-Huey. You messed up. I even found my double, but the similarity stops to the physical part. He's a dumb-ass.

-Snake, I'm afraid I can't talk right now. Someone broke into my house.

Emmerich's tone of voice was reflecting fear and haste. Snake heard some walks on Huey's side. Someone else seemed to have entered the room the doctor was in. Snake managed to catch the stranger's lines.

_"Otacon ! Why are you here too ? I thought you stayed in 2010 ! I didn't find Big Boss ! You said it was the right era !"_

"I don't even know this Otacon !" answered Emmerich. "Who the hell are you ?"

"Huey ! What's happening ?" asked Snake. "You sent me in Alaska with your so-called time machine ! I've a mission to complete ! I can't take the liberty of staying here ! That's the last time you use me as a guinea pig in one of your damn experiences !"

_"Otacon !"_ said Huey's mysterious visitor. "_You said you'll help me kill Big Boss to cancel the Les Enfants Terribles project !"_

-For the last time, I don't know what you're talking about ! I've never seen you before ! I'm the Dr Emmerich and not some Otacon guy ! See ? As for Les Enfants Terribles, you're too late, it began four years ago !

_"How couldn't you be Otacon ! He even posses the same machine as yours with a much bigger screen ! And you looks exactly like him !"_ said the intruder, who didn't catch Emmerich's last line about Les Enfants Terribles.

"Huey !" called Snake one more time. "Answer me ! When will you get me out of here ?"

For the first time since his visitor had showed into his room, Huey Emmerich took a few seconds to answer Snake.

"Now is not the time ! There is a blond threatening me with a katana ! By the way, that's damn cool."

"Are you one of Frank Jaegger fans ?" he asked to the intruder.

_"Who's Frank Jaegger ?"_

"Huey ! What was the use of the machine you tested on me ?" questioned Snake.

"You ! Don't touch this button ! Don't touch it !" cried Emmerich, addressing to the intruder.

-Huey ! Is this ninja still here ?

-Not anymore. I guess he would be near you now. If the machine functioned properly, which I'm pretty sure.

Big Boss was understanding less and less."Huey, where did you sent me ?"

-You should ask "when" ! By the way, I'm amazed that the radio I designed for you can transmit through ages.

-Wh...

-See you, Snake !

He hung up. Snake immediately tried to recontact him.

_**NO RESPONSE**_

Big Boss got on his feet and heard quite an elegant expression shouted behind him.

_"BLOODY HELL !"_

He quickly did an about-turn to face a blond man in spandex furiously waving his blade.

"Wow, that's very...skin-tight." commented Naked Snake, gazing at the newcomer's outfit.

"Snake ! What are you doing here ?" asked the new one, frowning. "And when did you lose your right eye ?"

-Do I...know you ?

-Obviously we know each others ! You even saw me naked when I escaped from Solidus on the Big Shell !

Big Boss didn't remember seeing any man naked for the past forty years, only women, and despite his fashion hairstyle, the stranger facing him was obviously too flat-chested to be one. As the other came closer, Big Boss started to recognize him.

-Raikov ! How did you make your way outside the locker ?

"I'm not Raikov ! I'm Raiden !" protested the blond, a growing uncertainty reflecting on his face. "You met me on the Big Shell under the name of Iroquois Pliskin !"

-You must be confusing me with someone else ! There is no way I'll chose this name for a cover.

"I'm here to prevent your very birth !" exclaimed the blond man, pointing his shining blade at the bearded Snake. "I'll kill Big Boss and erase you in order to become the main character in the MGS saga ! Liquid and Solidus perished, so you're the only one left on my glorious path to badassity !"

"Who is that ?" asked Solid Snake, who had just finished his exchange of insults with the major.

The blond swordsman shook his head, starring alternately at Solid Snake and Big Boss.

"I'm seeing double ! Wait, who are you ?" he asked, addressing to Solid Snake.

-Snake.

-You too ?

-No, he is Naked Snake, I'm Solid Snake.

"If YOU are Solid Snake, then that means... Hey, you're Big Boss !" the blond man said, pointing his finger towards Naked Snake.

"So the major was right" pensively whispered Solid Snake.

The blond newcomer adopted a combat stance, his blade raised straight in front of his face.

"Big Boss !" he cried, attempting to inject some epicness in his words. "I'm here to kill you in order to prevent HIS birth !" He frowned, then lowered his katana, passing one hand through his golden locks. "Wait, that doesn't make any sense. How can I see you both at the same time, and about the same age ! Even Otacon's explications make more sense !"

"This Otacon again..." noticed Big Boss.

The blond swordsman gloriously planted his katana in the ground, where it remained stuck, reflecting the snowflakes still slowly falling around the three men. He wiped some snow of his hair before asking "Wait, am I the only one among the three of us who actually knows what he's doing here ?"

Solid Snake thought of it for an instant. "Huh...I'm pretty sure the major explained it to me, but I have to admit I forgot."

"Snake, you really are a pain in the ass." sighed Big Boss.

-As long as it's in you...ouch

"What's wrong with this guy ?" asked for himself the blond newcomer, Raiden.

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**Thanks for reading ! Please review !**

**By the way, sorry for my English...I'm only learning it at school (school==where I am when I'm not playing MGS)/**

**So if you see any mistakes or strange expressions (I might have invented some words as well), please report it !**

**I hope you enjoyed the fic, what would you want me to change for the next chapter ?**


	2. Otacon's lessons about stalking

**Chapter 2 is finally here ! I started writing it just after finishing the first one (yep, that was a long time ago). I now understand in which way oneshots are useful. Sorry it took so much time, I'll try to reduce the interval between two chapters, so the third one can be released before the next Olympics.**

**Disclaimer : I know/own nothing. Not even an english dictionary.**

**And before I forget:**  
**-There sure are some grammar mistakes and other bad stuff in there**  
**-I might have invented some expressions which could eventually exist in my native language, but doesn't make any sense in this one**

**So please correct me when you find something wrong.**

**Hope you'll like the fic !**

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_**Shadow Moses Island, 2005**_

Solid Snake allowed himself to fall backwards in the snow and started to sulk. Raiden tried to sit, using his katana's handle as a pillar, but gave up quickly when the sword began to bruise his delicate booty. Big Boss, as for him, lit a cigar, just watching, a half smile growing on his lips. Abandoning the idea of sitting on his katana, Raiden crossed his arms on his chest and leaned against the guard's legs, still stuck in the snowdrift. A good listener would have noticed the soldier's smothered moan as Raiden eased all his weight on his lower body.

The swordsman scrupulously studied the two human beings facing him. He was well acquainted with one of them and had heard of the other several times through Roy Campbell's AI. Very accurate, the robotic was obsessed with hairstyles, hence Raiden identified Naked Snake's by his haircut more than his facial features. Something was odd though: Solid Snake hair were short. Maybe that wasn't the only weird item here; what was this man doing here anyways, in 1975?

Big Boss blew away an ethereal cloud of blue-shaded smoke before asking « What brought you here, blondie ? », insisting on the last word and even enveloping it with a touch of sarcasm. Supposing that he was the one targeted by « Blondie », Raiden raised his head. He didn't react to the veiled mockery. He would have plenty of time to savor his revenge later.

« I came here to get rid of Big Boss. » he affirmed, his voice made sharper by the shameful sobriquet the same Big Boss just gave him.

« That's me » tranquilly remarked Naked Snake, a grin persisting on his face.

« In order to cancel Solid Snake's birth » finished Raiden. There was no point in hiding his true motive, he could no longer benefit from the surprise element anyways.

« That's him » answered Big Boss, nodding towards his doppelganger laying in the snow. Snake was visibly trying to make some snow angels.

« However, I wasn't expecting you guys to be here at the same time. » sighed Raiden. He was supposed to quickly find Big Boss and backstab him (or smother him with a pillow if he hadn't forgotten to take one). Nonetheless, the rather unexpected presence of Solid Snake had stopped him in his tracks, and he ended up having a talk with the assassination target. Nothing was preventing him from getting rid of Big Boss anyways, but nothing could neither explain the two agents being here at the same time, added to the fact they were about the same age... Something was definitely wrong. It would be wiser to gather as many information as possible about the current situation before making any move.

« Which year is it, by the way ? » Raiden questioned casually, sounding like he was asking the time.

« 1975 » muttered Big Boss, as it was obvious.

« 2005 » retorted Snake, who was eavesdropping their conversation.

The swordsman bit his lower lip. Those two were starting to get on his nerves. Somehow managing to keep his composure, Raiden calmly asked « Could you two please agree on a common date ? » although he was burning in the urge to slowly unsheathe his sword and tenderly press the shining blade against...his murderous impulses were interrupted by an hoarse voice.

« I will side with the simpleton » had finally decided Naked Snake, adopting a bored attitude. « I have no clue of how I ended up here, so I think this one might have a better idea of today's date. » Solid Snake grinned from ear to ear. His idole just agreed with him ! He narrowly resisted the urge to perform his favorite success jitterbug (the one with FF7 victory theme playing in the background), and just conducted an imaginary symphony with his fingers.

Raiden pensively rubbed the back of his neck, trying to analyze Solid Snake hands' chaotic movement. After reaching the conclusion that the agent wasn't trying to transmit some ciphered information, the blond man forced himself back to the current situation. Apart his shortcut and the absence of facial hair, Solid Snake's global appearance relatively matched his expectations-at least for 2005. On the other hand, Big Boss was remarkably well conserved despite the seventy years already behind him. One problem was left though: Raiden was supposed to be in 1975. How could Otacon have made a thirty years error when sending him here ? He decided to just ignore this little detail for the moment. « Well, we're currently in 2005. As for me, I'm from 2010. »

Solid Snake's fingers abruptly stopped. He started squinting, then shook his head in a fit of pique. « I don't understand. »

Big Boss ran his hand through his tangled hair. « I hate to admit that, but neither do I. »

Raiden shut his eyelids. « How should I put that...Otac.. » He reopened his eyes, an uncertain look printed on his face. « Wait, none of you knows who's Otacon, right ? »

Both Snake shook their heads negatively at the same time. Raiden sighed for the second time in two minutes, and refrained once more from strangl... « Get a hold on yourself, myself ! » he accidentally said out loud. Opportunely, his interlocutors were too busy comparing their respective guns to notice. Raiden couldn't help but scowl at them, even though their lack of attention spared him from a shameful time. « Forget Otacon. A guy with glasses and a Zone of Enders wallpaper, Hal Emmerich, tried to... »

« Zone of Enders ? » interrupted Solid Snake as Big Boss mumbled « Emmerich ? I know this name ! »

Raiden chuckled, an imperceptible touch of mockery in his eyes. « There's no way you could know Otacon, believe me.»

« I don't know him. » whispered the bearded Snake, deep in his thoughts. « However, Huey might be his father... »

« Otacon said his father was dead... »

Big Boss switched from his bored face to his sad one, starring into an imaginary sunset, only rewarded by a frozen wind slapping him in the face. Impassive, he nodded grievously. « It happens... » He frowned. « ...to everyone, by the way. »

Tears appeared at the corner of Solid Snake's cerulean eyes. « I don't wanna die... » he cried. He stretched his arms, visibly searching for someone to hug. The first person he encountered happened to be Big Boss.

« That's like in one of Otacon's weird animes » commented out loud a perplex Raiden. « Too bad I forgot to bring my camera. »

Big Boss didn't know how to gently push Snake back, although he behaved as an ass while confronted to Raiden. Understandably, assassins and there potential victims usually don't fit together.

A bell sound reverberated through the mountains, just to indicate their positions to the guard still not alerted by the ruckus. « Who dropped his tuning fork ? » asked the blond swordsman, miffed. A slightly embarrassed Solid Snake suddenly gave a deep interest in his feet. « That was just his awkward-situation-alarm. It triggers from time to time. » casually commented Big Boss, already used to the weird situations he was confronted to since chapter 1. Raiden choose wisely not to ask anything about this alarm, and so forth went ahead with his story. He unsuccessfully searched for a comfortable positioning against the guard's legs (the ones still pointing out of a snowdrift like bug antennas) and interlocked his hands behind his head before starting.

« Let's recap. I'm from 2010. Since MGS2, I'm willing to be the main character. I ordered Snake Eater on Amazon, and the game was in my letterbox three days later. Only after I ripped off the protection plastic layer, I realized that all of this was pointless since I my PS2 was dead after I accidentally cut it in half. I bought a new one, on Amazon too. I opened the box, slicing the scotch tape with my katana, and pulli... »

Big Boss stopped him by raising his arm. « I think you could skip the part when you coldly killed this poor box by opening it. »

The word « killed » caught Solid Snake's attention, still at the humans fatal death issue. « Boxes die too. » he realized, shaking his head sadly.

Raiden hesitated between hitting him or simply ignore him. He decided on the second option. He will have plenty of time to try the first one later. Unfortunately, he was that time interrupted by Big Boss.

« Sorry to barge in the middle of your story, Blondie, but you lost me when you started talking about those amazons. »

Raiden bit his lower lip until a trickle of blood came flowing on his chin. Obviously such an outdated guy would never understand half the words he was using. He could have thought of this little detail before starting his story. The blond man squinted, then managed to pull his katana out of the dense snow layer. He examined the tiny fur ball skewered at the sharply extremity of the blade. « I'm pretty sure I impaled a lemming by accident. »

Naked Snake sighed, rolling his eyes. Or rather his eye. « Could we please return to the main topic ? »

« I'm the one who's talking, and I decide when I talk. » angrily said Raiden, carefreely waving his blade, the lemming still stuck at its end.

Big Boss quickly jumped backward. « Careful with the sword ! It'll be great if you don't put out the eye I have left. »

Raiden tenderly remove the dead lemming from his sword and gazed at the little corpse. Solid Snake sniffed loudly, tears shining on his cheeks. Impervious to that lame time, Big Boss gave an interested look rather than a desolated one to the corpse. « It's fresh meat. You should save it for la... »

A bullet hit him in the middle of his sentence. « One more hole in my sneaking-suit » was his last thought before he collapsed in the snow due to the force of the impact.

« Someone is shooting at us » brilliantly observed Solid Snake, gazing at the blood stains on the white snow.

« Someone shot me » retorted Big Boss, standing up. He caught the reflect of a sniper rifle. In fact, he didn't caught anything beside a bullet and just wanted to sound badass in his own thoughts. Because, yes, spotting a sniper from 50 meters away in the middle of the snow storm is considered badass. He briefly wondered how he could have survived his endless fight with the End -how ironic- if it was snowing that day.

« Running would be a good idea » shouted Raiden, attempting to slip the lemming's corpse in his pocket before realizing he hadn't any. Without any backwards regards for his « associates » and the rodent he just abandoned on the snow, he put his sword back into the scabbard between his shoulders and started sprinting towards...the mist. The snow storm was creating an opaque screen similar to a smoke screen, although it wasn't a smoke screen at all. Too concerned by smoke screens, Raiden omit to watch his steps and gasped in surprise when his right foot encountered...nothing but the void. The fall was relatively short. However, since he couldn't see anything, nor differentiate the top from the bottom, he wasn't able to return in mid-air to land on his feet, and just crashed on his back. Raiden just encountered his worst enemy : fresh snow. Absolutely furious at losing to a bunch of frozen flakes, he drew his weapon and gave some violent strikes to the snow until the blade encountered something solid.

Accompanied by some very classy lightning and electronic crackles, a guy appeared next to him, his face hidden by giant thermal goggles and an elegant floral printed balaclava. Which he immediately removed to lecture Raiden.

« You just ruined my stealth camouflage. Not a problem, I have plenty of those left in the lab. You can cut my equipment in half, call me Megane-san and even steal my pantsu, but I'll set two rules from now on : first, don't take my glasses, otherwise no one will recognize my character. Second, don't do anything which could bother Wolf-chan. »

The new guy lost interest in Raiden and crouched, his left shoulder pressed against the little cliff the blond man just fell off. He seemed to adjust something using a screw on his google's side. Raiden tried to look in the same direction as him, willing to have an idea of what was captivating him that much to ignore falling swordsmen. Obviously, the snow storm from the previous paragraph didn't vanish in ten lines, so he coudn't even distinguish a tree. Potentially because there weren't any tree for kilometers around. Let's just say he couldn't even distinguish a lemming. Raiden was sure they were some lemmings around, since he accidentally empaled one at the beginning of the chapter. « I should stop breaking the fourth wall, even if it's only mentally. », he thought, breaking this very wall once more.

He finally managed to extirpate himself from the snow and sat, crossing his legs, wandering who the hell was this « wolfchane » the unknown man mentioned. There was something familiar about his voice. A very basic interrogation, yet natural, came to his lips.

« Who are you ? »

The other one turned his head towards him and retired his massive thermal goggles, allowing Raiden to recognize the man who sent him there. The fact he was wearing glasses was sufficient to identify Hal Emmerich, officially engineer and chicken raiser at his spare time. He seemed as surprised as himself, which was a bit odd since since they weren't supposed to know each others in 2005. After staring at the blond man face for a little too long with an appealed look, Emmerich readjusted the glasses slipping off his nose. « I'm Otacon. It stands for Otaku Con... »

« Otaku Convention, I already know that. »

« How do y... »

« I'm the one asking. Do you recognize me ? »

Otacon carefully examined Raiden. « Like I'd know a shinobi. I'll only respond to a true bushi. » he answered with a dismissive sight. « Yet, if at least you were a cyborg ninja, I could eventually accept your presence, but y... »

« So you 're the one from 2005... » Raiden accidentally said out loud.

This caught up Otacon's attention, who slowly raised his head, a glimmer of interest in his eyes, tinged for some reason with what appeared to be fear.

« What do you mean by the one ? » he slowly asked.

Raiden was a bit reluctant to reveal the true reasons of his presence here. But after all, it was Otacon. The same than the one who sent him here. Just a little bit younger. Surprisingly, his hair, brown five years later, where grey for the moment. Since this guy built- or rather shall build-a fully-working time-machine, it wouldn't be surprising that he could age reversely. Unless the version of the engineer facing him had himself traveled through time and...no. The situation already was complicated enough to add a new timeline to the story.

Otacon joyfully clapped his hands together, cutting his reflections. « Yappari ! You're a St Seiya cosplayer ! That's why you're so women-like. By the way, did you lose your golden armor ? »

Raiden, annoyed, shook his hand. « Could you please stop using random foreign words in the middle of your sentences ? I find that rather disturbing for readers. »

Otacon blushed and slightly bent. « Sumimasen! »

« Did you even listen to what I said ?! » burst Raiden, waving his sword.

« You know, if you're going to randomly swing your katana like that, switching to a bokuto would be less dangerous for your immediate neighbors. »

Raiden sighed. « I don't even know what bokuto means... »

Otacon wasn't listening anymore, occupied to clean his thermal goggles with a piece of cloth. This version of Emmerich was similar in each point to his older self. Putting some japanese words in the middle of his sentences and living in his own world. Raiden wondered if the fact that this guy never evolved was reassuring or not. At least, he knew well how to deal with him, whatever the timeline. Despite this, Raiden was hesitating to reveal who he really was to Otacon. He could be both a great help and a pain in the ass when it came to scientific issues such as time paradoxes.

The blond man shook the engineer's shoulder, who almost jumped at the contact. « Oh, that's you. You scared me. Wolf-chan was cleaning her visor. » Her _visor _? Could it be…

« Otacon, who are you calling Wolf-chan ? » asked Raiden.

Emmerich slightly blushed. « She's called Sniper Wolf...but for me, she'll… » Raiden wasn't listening anymore. This Wolf might have been the one who shot Big Boss earlier. « Otacon, there is something I have to tell you »

-Yes ?

No need to explain this time. If this man was capable of building a fully-working time-machine five years later, he should understand. « Otacon, which year is it ? »

-1975...uh I mean 2005

This guy might be really living in his own world to have a thirty years offset on the date. Raiden was by some means used to this kind of situations when talking to Otacon. « I came from 2010 ».

-Nnni ?! shouted Otacon. He tried to take a step backwards but accidentally tangled his feet and fell back down in the snow. The engineer remained half sat on the floor, glancing at Raiden with an afraid expression on his face, breathing heavily. The blond swordsman took a step towards him. « Otacon, are you okay ? You look pale all of a sudden. » Emmerich hardly swallowed and managed to stood, using the cliff. Raiden noticed that he was slightly shaking. This guy was really too emotive. « You're sure everything's all right ? You look like you're gonna throw up. » Otacon, still trembling, shook his head. « I was just a little surprised, that's all.

« I thought I was mistaking... » he added so low that Raiden hardly caught his words.

« What did you just say ?» he asked. Emmerich gave a try to Solid Snake's « I did nothing wrong » look, although he didn't know him yet. So Snake's famous face was popular to guys he never encountered. Which justified the qualificatif « famous », now that Raiden thought of it. Otacon addressed a forced smile. « So you said you came from year 2010. Sounds interesting. » Raiden gave him a surprised look. One minute ago he was shocked as a lemming just killed his whole family, and now he sounded as bored as Big Boss.

« So how am I five years older ?»

Raiden frowned a bit. « I didn't even say we knew each others ».

The engineer wringed his hands, embarrassed. « You're acting like you know me, so I supposed... »

The blond swordsman bit his lip, puzzled by Otacon's abrupt change of comportment. Something might be bothering him. Anyways, he was the only one capable of providing any help at this stage. Maybe he could clarify the reasons of Big Boss presence in the wrong era.

Emmerich's voice arose. « You said you had something to tell me, douzo osakini ! I want to know what happens next ! »

He apparently just switched to his usual self. It managed to bother Raiden about the engineer's mental state. He didn't remember him as a schizophrenic.

« Just a question before we start : are you able to break the fourth wall just as I am ? »

« You just broke it by saying that. »

Raiden was (for once) relieved by the answer. That meant he could speak free of the MGS saga with Otacon without having to explain each word he was using. He raised his head, ready to start his story, when a detail caught his attention. Emmerich's gray hair were now partially brown.

* * *

Unlike Raiden, who ran away in the right direction, the two Snake jumped right into the lion's den and were currently caught in multiple fire. Bullets, radio handlesets and various human members were flying in all directions. Surprisingly, the belligerents weren't yelling nor aiming at them.

« None of them hit us yet. They might be some kind of stormtroopers ! » exclaimed Snake.

« I think we're in the middle of an internal conflict » observed Big Boss, without asking what stormtroopers were. « They're ignoring us »

The guards fighting each others were divided in two sides : the ones wearing a hood and the hooded ones.

« I can't see the difference » commented Big Boss in an even tone, reading the fanfic script. A hood, thrown by a guard wearing one, hit him in the eye at full speed.

Solid Snake, sat on the floor-though it wasn't expected in the script and is thus a faux-raccord- was thinking. At these moments, even Naked Snake's cursing words « Goddammit, stop aiming at my eye, I have only one ! » couldn't reach him. He was impermeable to any physical or verbal aggression, hence wasn't feeling at all the dead guard which had landed on his feet nor the one poking his head with his minigun.

« Stop beating around the bush and go ahead » protested Big Boss, his voice more and more devoid of emotion and still reading the script, wild hoods randomly flying around him.

Solid Snake was wondering how hoods could be flying in all directions since every single guard had his hood on. Whose hoods were those ?

« They may have several layers of hoods on » pensively commented Big Boss.

« He his reading in my thoughts ! He definitely is awesome ! » thought an excited Snake.

« No, I'm just reading the script in which your thoughts are written. » answered a bored (second) Snake. He quickly turned a page of the paper he was holding. « Let's see what happens to us next. » He started reading : « One of the hooded guards drew a bazooka and... » An unfortunate and non accurate bazooka round drew away the paper from his hands, burning it to ashes by the same occasion. Big Boss gave a disappointed look to the remaining of the fiction script. The (hooded) guard who just shot the book made his bazooka stand upright to proudly lean against it. A random soldier (wearing a hood) gave a friendly tap on his armed colleague's shoulder. « Great weapon you have there, buddy ! » he commented. The other one proudly smile « You like it ? That's the one from Devil May Cry ! » Another random guard raised his head. « You mean you have a fully-working replica of Kalina-Ann ? » Some voices started to arise around the two cornered men.

-Is it from the third game ? I haven't played it yet.

-I think it came out in february.

-I didn't like the second game, is the third one worth buying ?

« Weren't those ones fighting each others a minute ago ? » wondered Naked Snake, as Solid Snake thought « I should try Devil May Cry ». Suddenly, the hooded assembly turned toward them like one man. The one carrying the bazooka took one step forward. « Who are you guys, by the way ? » Some others started to whisper around them. « There is no chance that you might be intruders, right » the armed guard went on menacingly, caressing his weapon.

Big Boss took a step backwards, his left hand before his face in a (fake) sign of submission, the right one searching for his knife. « You know, we can discuss it later around a tea. There's no need to... »

With a hooligan-like attack shout, Solid Snake charged towards the army of hooded guards, attacking them all at once with a...spear ? Where did he find such an outdated weapon ? A guard (wearing a hood) pointed a trembling finger in his direction. « That's my spear ! You stole it ! »

-This one is from Final Fantasy !

-Who does he think he is ? Cid ?

Big Boss was understanding less and less what the guards surrounding him were talking about. He finally managed to grab his knife and casually shredded a hood left lying on the floor. The grinning provoked by this revenge (this hood was the one which went flying in his eye before) scared a bunch of guards. He raised his head and stared at his enemies, a devilish expression in the eye(s). « If you value your hood, get out of here. »

Big Boss quickly took a look on Solid Snake, now waving a warhammer. « That's the one from Morrowind ! » shouted an excited guard right before his jewels were crushed by the iron mass.

Naked Snake smirked and mashed a nose with his foot. « Sorry, it was sticking out of your hood ». He heard three guards approaching behind him, did a turn around, grabbed one and throw him at the others. Two more soldiers accidentally stumbled on the three already knocked out and fell headfirst.

« What was that ? »questioned Solid Snake, deeply impressed.

Naked Snake grabbed someone by the collar. « CQC. And you can basically do it to. » He neglectfully dropped the guard he was holding. Stars were almost shining in Solid Snake's eyes: « I'll give it a try ! »

He jovially took out a bunch of guards. Despite a certain motivation, the two of them finally found themselves back to back, in the middle of the circle formed by the still approaching hooded guards. Big Boss drew a tranquilizer gun, immediately imitated by his doppelganger. With an unique shout, the soldiers attacked all at once.

-Don't you find strange that none of thus has taken a bullet yet ? asked Solid Snake, sat on a hooded man.

-Well, I have. And don't say things like that, it's the best way to take one, muttered Big Boss, a guard in each hand.

They waited for a bullet to be taken. Nothing happened.

« That could be worse » added Solid Snake, somehow relieved. « It could rain. »

Big Boss was a bit septic. « I see how it could snow. But rain ? »

They waited for some snow to fall. Nothing happened.

« This is getting ridiculous » sighed the bearded Snake.

The first building next to them exploded.

« Oh, really ? » protested Big Boss before being half buried under the rubble. The upper half of Solid Snake body was sticking out a bunch of shattered bricks a few meters away.

« Ocelot, how many times did I tell you not to light incense sticks in the explosives storage ?! » someone shouted near them, hidden by the concealing dust thrown up by the explosion.

« Look, it's snowing ! » exclaimed Solid Snake, confusing the ashes lightly flying around him with cute snowflakes.

Big Boss tried to extricate himself from the debris and failed. The dust was making it hard to breathe, they had to get out of here as soon as possible.

-Uh, Boss, sunglasses approaching ! adverted Solid Snake.

-What ?

« Hey, Snake, wanna retry the raw fish eating contest ? » said a familiar voice behind him.

-It's Master Miller ! exclaimed Solid Snake. « He came to help us ! »

Kazuhira Miller smoothed his hair back and frowned. «Actually...does one of you know what I am doing here ? »

* * *

**Thanks for reading !**

**Please review.**


	3. Who's the DARPA chief ?

Disclaimer: MGS isn't mine

I have to study for finals, so I decided to draw the FOX logo on my external HDD.

I have to study for finals, so I decided to restart MGS3. Again.

I totally suck at drawing. That's why there's no cover picture for this fic. The only thing I can represent properly is the triforce...So unless I decide to write a MGS x LoZ crossover, I can't use it.

As always, you may excuse my Engrish.

* * *

_**Shadow Moses Island, Toilets, 2005**_

The tiled walls had since long been covered with various human fluids. Standing out among the smelly stains and written in red paint, « Liquid is gay » was crossing the door. The last bit of toilet paper was long gone, only to be replaced by a pile of cheap porn mags. This change was a success, there is nothing more user-friendly than a porn magazine since you just have to tear off a sheet when you need it. Sat gloriously on his favorite porcelain throne, Johnny Sasaki was meditating over his stomach problems, reading his future toilet paper, when he heard a voice coming from the other side of the wall.

_-I'd give my life ! Not for honor, but for youuuu !_

Johnny shrugged his shoulders and just ignored it, trying to concentrate on his task. Today was his lucky day : one page -covered in women adopting debatable positions- was left. Johnny surprised himself smiling. However, another sound caused his smirk to waver.

_-I'm still in a dreaaamm ! Snake Eateeer !_

_-Kaz ! _shouted a deeper voice.

Sasaki dropped his paper/porn to plunge a finger in each ear. The thin sheet landed near a suspicious looking puddle. An unidentified substance started to soak the paper. A dismayed Johnny silently contemplated his last hope being reduced to the state of papier-mâché.

_-I can even interpret the japanese version ! _exclaimed the first voice.

Johnny banged his head against the wall and only managed to hurt himself.

_-Watashi wa subete hageeeeeru !_

Noticing about a square centimeter of real triple-layer peach-scented toilet paper sticking for some mysterious reason out of one of his boots, Sasaki shredded it off, rolled it and put in in his ears conduits.

_-Sore wa nozomiiii ! Snake Eateeer !_

_-Kaaaz ! _hurled the second voice_._

When Johnny felt tears filling at the corner of his eyes, he couldn't determine if the cause was his guts or the three prisoners in the adjoining cell. He suddenly raised his head, filled with hope. The deafening noise had stopped !

_-When heavens diviiide ! I will see the choices within my haaaands !_

Johnny lowered his head and realized the only paper left was the small amount stuck in his ears. This devastating awareness largely justified the rumble sound the solider unwillingly let out, caught by someone passing by at this exact moment. And Shadow Moses' legendary toilets' wolf was born.

_**Shadow Moses Island, Torture Room, 2005**_

The man tied up his long silver hair using a piece of whatever was that string on his desk. He looked out over the recently renovated room. He was particularly proud of the Colt printed wallpaper he chose. Revolver Ocelot tenderly passed his index on one of the drew guns, appreciating the detail of the trigger. Someone was singing in one of the cells on the other side of the corridor. « _Minato __no__ Yoko Yo__k__ohama Yokosuka !_ » heard the gunslinger. Even the « SNAKE KICK » shouted by a prisoner near the room, followed by an exclamation of pain and the dull sound of a body crashing against the floor, didn't trouble his contemplation. Almost regretful, Ocelot turned back from the wall and gave a quick look to the heteroclit equipment confiscated from some prisoners by his hooded men. Some raw fishes, cigars, a knife, two guns and a yellow scarf were now cluttering the table. Two hooded guards entered the room at the exact moment Ocelot was tying the scarf around his head.

-Fear me, I'm Big Boss ! he said in a devilish voice, without noticing them.

The two soldiers looked at each others, taken aback.

-Hum hum, coughed one of them, embarrassed.

Ocelot quickly removed the yellow scarf from his forehead and hid it behind his back, printing a neutral expression on his face.

-What do you have to announce ? he said casually in the most natural way possible.

-Would you like to see the prisoners ?

The gunslinger's confused look was accentuated by the wild twitching of his eyebrows. He put on an assured face before asking :

-You mean the drunken Russians ?

One of the guards nonchalantly put his hands into his pockets and just ended up looking stupid since there weren't any in his uniform. The other tilted his helmet down to hide his face, becoming an inspiration for Valve®. Ocelot sacrificed his pride and asked :

-Who are you talking about ?

His men organized a quick draw of straws. The unlucky one, who picked the shortest, made his tearful goodbyes to his colleague and stepped towards his fate, with a last thought for his ca...He was interrupted -in his own _thoughts_\- by Ocelot :

-I'm not going to harm you, you can speak freely, said the gunslinger in a tone presuming all but non-violence.

His interlocutor was so relaxed that he started to shake.

-I-I was talking about the three int-intruders we found in the remaining of the ex-ex-explosives storage building and...PLEASE DON'T KILL ME !

Revolver Ocelot shrugged his shoulders.

-I wasn't even thinking about it before you mentioned it.

A Colt in each hand, the gunslinger remembered the unfortunate incense stick he lit with a flamethrower earlier. Visibly too close from the explosives building. Three men had then been found among the rubble. Two stuck _under _the concrete while the third one was contemplating the scene without helping. The gunslinger waved his right hand to catch his hooded men's attention back.

-Bring the prisoners to me at once. And please take more than two guards to do so.

They left. A few minutes later, an entire squad knocked at the door. A hooded guard opened the battant a little and put his head round it, his comrades scrambling behind him to enter first.

-We brought them.

-When I said to take more than two guards, I didn't mean our entire forces. Anyways, let them in, one by one.

A hooded man violently pushed someone in the room. The prisoner staggered a little then managed to keep his balance and raised his head, allowing Ocelot to detail his facial characteristics. He never encountered him before, however the bandanna and the cold blue eyes reminded him of someone. He indicated Solid Snake to step forward and let enter the second prisoner. The silver haired man pensively rubbed his chin, examining the sunglasses facing him. He was almost sure he had already seen those mirror surfaces somewhere. Ocelot shook his head and just ignored it, addressing a sign to the guard so he let the last one in. That time, the gunslinger rubbed his eyes. His brow ticked as his eyes trailed over the other's face. His gaze briefly stopped on the blue left eye, the eye-patch before trailing down the black sneaking suit.

-Nice Big Boss cosplay, admitted Ocelot after a few minutes

-Thanks Oc...mister

Ocelot, fascinated, was examining Naked Snake from all the angles.

-What is a cosplayer of your scale doing in the middle of nowhere ?

Since he had no idea about what a cosplayer was, Big Boss improvised, as always, and recycled a cover he used a few months ago.

-I'm and ornithologist. I came here for birdwatching.

Trying to feed the conversation, Ocelot answered :

-I heard a lot about the Alaskan tropical birds.

-Do you know the stunning « urhdumb » ?

The gunslinger fervently shook his head back and forth :

-That's my favorite one !

Kazuhira lowered his head to hide his growing smile. Useless precaution, Ocelot couldn't notice him, his attention still monopolized by Snake.

-Your bandanna seems so authentic ! continued the gunslinger. Mind if I borrow it for a moment ?

Before he could even protest, Big Boss found himself divested from the precious bandanna he teared off from his mentor. When admiring himself in his Colt-shaped mirror wearing the piece of cloth, Ocelot remarked the disappearance of the other prisoner's own bandanna. Preoccupied, he gave back the headband to Big Boss and approached Solid Snake. Ocelot frowned. The bandanna was still here. He would have sworn it had just vanished a while ago.

Thoughtful, the gunslinger fixed Solid Snake's forehead before asking :

-Where did you get that bandanna ?

The concerned shrugged his shoulders.

-From Big Boss, if I remember well.

Ocelot placed his nose at a few centimeters from the blue eyed soldier's one, making him squint.

-How did you get to do such a thing ?

Solid Snake winced : his doppelganger just crushed his foot. He gave a hurt look to Big Boss, who shook his head.

-He let it fall in the street, so I just took it, answered Snake, without noticing Big Boss' facepalm in the background.

Ocelot observed him suspiciously. Both Snake were holding their breath, trying to look as innocent as possible. The gunslinger finally lost interest in them to turn toward Kazuhira Miller. He furrowed a brow.

-Where did you get that hematom on your cheek, sunglasses ?

Kaz raised an eyebrow.

-From Big Boss.

-Decidedly, everyone gets things from Big Boss these days. How did such a thing happen ?

Kazuhira's foot was suddenly crushed. He turned his head to see his bearded comrade scowling in his general direction.

-That was in the street, affirmed Miller, accompanied by another Big Boss' facepalm in the background.

Revolver Ocelot brusquely turned towards Naked Snake, slapping his own face with his long hair.

-You, the cosplayer, why is your forehead all red ? Don't tell me it has something to do with Big Boss, has it ?

-It becomes like this when I take the bandanna off for a little too long.

The gunslinger, satisfied, sat behind his desk, his left hand resting on the wood and the right one playing with a Colt. He accidentally pressed the trigger. Small bits of concrete fell from the ceiling.

-Anything to say before we start ?

Kazuhira Miller took the floor, making Big Boss realize that their cover, already quite cracked, would be shattered in a few seconds. Kaz adopted his most serious look and kneeled, the hooded guard still holding his arms behind his back choosing to be dragged down behind him.

-Be my kaishaku.

-Your what ?

-I shall commit seppuku. Be my kaishaku. And find me some white clothes for the ceremony.

Big Boss sighed.

-He just wants to disembowel himself, he explained. Like approximatively three times a day. You'll get used to it.

His lack of interest for the situation fascinated Ocelot. The short-haired man's voice brought him back to reality.

-I think this guy might be Cyclops. That's why he can't take his sunglasses off.

-What man ? I only see a pair of Aviator, mumbled Naked Snake in response, so his words weren't caught by their jailer. The latter threw his revolvers in the air to clap his hands together, but omit to catch them back.

-So, silly stuff for idle moments, let's begin, joyfully announced the gunslinger from under his desk, searching for his guns.

-You see, this torture room was designed to electrocute only one person at a time, he added before hitting his head, forgetting the table above him.

-You electrocute one of them while I smother the two left, proposed someone else in a loud voice to cover Ocelot's curses.

A gray-haired man, wearing an armor with two tentacle-like protuberances attached to his shoulders had just entered the room under the hooded guards noses.

-Hi brother ! Hi father ! he said to the flabbergasted prisoners.

Revolver Ocelot wasn't as happy to see him.

-May I ask what you're doing here ? he asked, menacingly pointing his twin revolvers in the wrong direction.

The armored man pensively shook his pseudopodia, sending the table content to the floor at the same time.

-Crap, he said after a moment. Wrong game. See you in four years, Ocelot, he casually dropped before leaving, his tentacles joyfully bouncing behind him. Only Solid Snake was fast enough to prevent a pseudopodium from slapping him in the face.

Ocelot picked up his belongings dispersed on the floor.

Big Boss rubbed his painful nose.

Kaz searched for his sunglasses.

The silver-haired gunslinger sat behind his desk, a revolver in each hand, crossing his legs on the table. The hooded guards in his range prudently moved away.

-I can't torture you properly, so I shall try another method.

Solid Snake, relieved, brought back a smile on his face. Big Boss and Kazuhira glanced at each others, perplex.

-So, who do I shoot first ?

Snake's lips immediately turned down. He kept his mouth shut, his glare simmering down to something utterly contemplative. His double just adopted his favorite « oh, not again » expression. A few minutes later, the three prisoners were still static, waiting for something dreadful to happen. Revolver Ocelot wasn't moving an inch either, looking strangely sheepish.

-My spurs are stuck in the table.

_**Shadow Moses Island, Otacon's Lab (or rather behind the door), 2005**_

Too lazy to travel according to the book/game, Raiden had followed Otacon through the base without even bothering to walk silently. The two accomplices had bluntly stridden the corridors, hands slipped in his pockets for Otacon and casually crossed behind his neck for Raiden who didn't gain pockets since chapter 2, even if he had more than four months to do so. He had to knock out the first guard they encountered to steal his uniform.

\- « ! » Is somebody there ?

-Guess not ! said an unknown voice loud enough to be heard by anyone in a ten meters range. What the guard mistook for a blond girl landed on his back to stole his pants, his hood, his consciousness and his self-love in a single strike. Raiden smoothly put the black hood on. After a few seconds, he shook his head from right to left.

-I can't see anything.

-It's back to front, baka, enunciated Emmerich without deigning to throw him more than a two-seconds gaze.

-Hum.

The second guard they encountered listlessly glared at someone wearing the same uniform as his, agreemented by what seemed to be a japanese sword, accompanied by a man in possession of an anorak and round shaped (or hexagonal shaped, we're on PS1) glasses. The heteroclit team formed by an engineer and a swordsman disguised as a woman disguised as a guard finally reached the lab.

Raiden removed his hood (still back to front) to give a quick look through the aperture piercing the door.

-I think it's all clear, he affirmed to Otacon.

Raiden raised his right arm, his hand passing behind his back to reach the grip of his sword. The cold steel slowly slid against the sheath without producing a sound. The end of the blade swept in an arc as his arm went back to his side.

Otacon's eyes went sparkling as he nearly started drooling.

-That was _so_ cool. That's how you unsheathe a nihonto. Can you do it again ?

Ignoring him, Raiden was ready to turn the handle, his hand already brushing against the cold metal, when he heard a voice coming from the inside of the laboratory. « Hurt me more ! ». The swordsman twisted his neck to see the left side of the room through the glass. Whatever was in here stayed out of his range of sight. Keeping his left palm on the handle, Raiden half turned towards Hal.

-Otacon, did you leave one of your masochists animes playing ?

-I watch all my animes in OV ! protested the engineer, offended.

The latter was ready to go sulking in a corner but was interrupted by another voice coming from the inside.

-Sorry, I was just passing by. I'm leaving now.

Raiden and Otacon pressed their ear against the door, willing to at least follow what was going on by the sound since they couldn't see it. Unfortunately, they had this idea at the exact same moment and ended up colliding. The katana escaped Raiden's palm to be caught by an interested Otacon before it hit the floor. After snatching off his blade from the engineer, nearly taking a few fingers in the process, the swordsman hammered his weapon deep in the ground to Otacon's great displeasure and went back against the door.

-I know you want to slap me with those filthy tentacles ! said the first intruder.

-Otacon, you're really sure it's not one of your animes ? whispered Raiden, rubbing his forehead.

-Where is the exit ? almost cried the second one.

Emmerich gave an anxious look to Raiden. The only exit was the door they were leaned against. Footsteps resonated on the other side of the thin wooden plank.

-Mieru ! exclaimed Otacon, picking through the window.

Raiden bluntly pushed him away to press his nose against the glass panel. Two men, visibly coming directly from a sci-fi movie, were facing each others. One of them was wearing a blue and orange body armor, his face hidden with a helmet, pierced by an unique red...eye ? He was holding a high-frequency blade.

-How can you tell ? It's just a regular katana to me, whispered Otacon.

-Are you reading my thoughts ?

-You're talking out loud, Shiroyasha.

Not even surprised by his weird new sobriquet -which was at least slightly better than « Blondie »-, Raiden went back to the intruders.

The second one, more massive, also wearing an armor, was characterized by the two pseudopodia hanging to his shoulders. Otacon's head appeared next to Raiden's.

-That's like in one of my japanese animes !

An applauding sound resonated around them, as confetti fell from the ceiling and an invisible entity said "Congratulations, you placed the Otacon's catchphrase !"

-What are a portal turret and Mr Hentai doing in here, Otacon ? asked Raiden, imperturbable, trying to wipe out the confetti from his hair.

-What are Gray Fox and Solidus Snake doing in here is the real question, murmured Emmerich, addressing to no one in particular, covered in confetti.

Raiden, who had returned to the door, didn't hear him. He should have identified the two characters in the room by their voices only.

-I know these guys. I encounte…

He was interrupted by a crash sound coming from the inside. Without more thoughts, he teared his blade off the ground and burst into the room, living a confetti trace behind him, ignoring Otacon's « Don't slice doors like that ! ». The lab was empty. The swordsman heard discreet cracking sounds coming from under his feet and lowered his sight. Small bits of concrete were strewn about the floor. Searching for the source of the debris, Raiden followed the concrete fragments until his forehead encountered a wall. He took too many steps backwards and bumped into Otacon. The swordsman silently contemplated the Solidus-shaped hole in the wall. Hal Emmerich strode over the remains of the wall.

-Forget what I just said about the door, you're way more delicate than them.

Another crash sound on his left made Raiden jump. "What a crappy isolation" shouted someone out of their range of sight. Otacon put his head round the burst wall.

-Are they going to cross the whole building like the Juggernaut ? Because it's the second floor basement here, they can't go outside like that.

Raiden didn't respond, starring at the back of the engineer's head.

-You've always had brown hair ?

Otacon hit his head against the edge of the hole.

-I have brown hair ? Uh….of course it was always like this.

_**Shadow Moses Island, Prison Cells, 2005 **_

Kazuhira Miller, pacing nervously around the cell, stopped abruptly, making Solid Snake, who was following him for some obscure reason, bump into him. Big Boss, sat on a turned bucket, tranquilly gazed at them, his face resting on his palms. The blond man turned towards him to express all his justified anger.

-They took my scarf !

Big Boss didn't move an inch.

-I know, Kaz.

-I can pass on the fact I have no idea what I am doing here but they didn't have to take my scarf ! I feel naked without it !

-It's because you _are _naked, Kaz, explained Big Boss like he was confronted to this kind of situation twice a day.

-They didn't have to take my clothes either !

-Next time you'll avoid to piss off your jailer, commented Snake in an equal tone.

A sound above his head caught his attention.

-And you, what are you doing to the ceiling ? he asked, without even bothering looking up to discover what he already knew.

Solid Snake released the air vent he was hanging to and screwed his landing.

-It doesn't look really solid, he announced, his chin against the cement floor and his ass pointing up in a Johnny Sasaki style.

-You think you can...what are you laughing at, Kaz ?

Miller's smile disappeared.

-No...nothing.

Ten minutes later, the metallic grid crashed at their feet. They rooted to the spot, the sound echoing around them. The moaning of some ill soldier nearby was still the only background music. They were unnoticed.

-I will give you a leg up, proposed Naked Snake. His clone joyfully put a foot on his face and another on his head, ignoring his stretched arms.

-What do you see ? asked Big Boss, Kazuhira still contemplating the footprint on his comrade's left cheek. The two men looked at each others with a furrowed brow to the sound of footsteps above their head.

-Is this air duct so big he can actually walk in it ? stuttered Kaz.

An exclamation of pure joy resounded above their head.

-I found a ration ! God, that's disgusting.

-Stop whining, commented Big Boss. There's nothing more repugnant than a flying squirrel.

Without warning, Solid Snake's head appeared upside down. The worn out end of his bandanna came gently touching Miller's nose. Then his knees. When the cloth reached his bare feet, Kaz started to think something was wrong.

-Now I understand why you're called « Snake ». Does your bandanna lengthen each time you eat something ?

Noting that Kaz was spending to many time with Huey given the weird references he was using, Big Boss pushed him aside to ask Solid Snake the reason of his early come back without a commentary about that long ass bandanna.

-You're finished ?

The man's awkward silence overcame this possibility.

-What was the question again ?

Naked Snake froze, nearly amazed by a memory worthy « Winchester », Huey's favorite hard drive. Storing his irritation for next time he would find himself alone with Kaz in Mother Base's sauna, he calmly repeated :

-What do you see ?

-Ammo ! immediately responded Solid Snake, making his doppelganger wonder why he asked him to remind him the question if he already knew the answer.

-Great ! You can always try throwing it at the enemies. With a little luck, they'll swallow it and smother to death ! commented Kazuhira.

-Master, you're being so negative.

-Why does he keep calling me master ? mumbled Kaz.

-He's right, retorted Big Boss, preoccupied. Besides Volgin, I don't see who could use those without the gun that goes with it.

Solid Snake's head once again disappeared inside the air duct.

-I'll try to go a little further !

Big Boss turned towards Kazuhira, who was trying to hide his personal belongings behind his hands.

-I see you still got scars in inappropriate places.

The blond man's hands crisped a bit more.

-Boss…

Solid Snake put his head through the hole in the ceiling.

-There is another cell next to that one. I will check it out.

He left. Big Boss stared at the ceiling for a few seconds.

-I wonder why he became so responsible all of a sudden.

Kazuhira shrug his shoulders without a word.

-Can I have your vest, Boss ?

Snake sighed but managed anyways to take off his uniform top and handed it to the blond man. The latter wrapped it around his waist like a towel without commenting the fact Big Boss was still wearing a sneaking suit five minutes ago. He was finishing the attach when he noticed his comrade's disappearance. Miller looked everywhere : left, right, even above is head. He finally found feet sticking out from under the dirty looking bed in the corner.

-Boss...I have to tell you something. When you use a bed, you have to lie _on_ it, not _under_ it.

-Snake, to use the bed, press the action button ! A mocking voice came from under the bed.

-There's no need to hide in a prison when you're already in a cell.

Big Boss finally emerged from under the bed, proudly holding a dead rodent by the tail.

-And here's a fresh mouse for dinner !

-I think « fresh » is a little bit optimistic, Snake, remarked Kaz when the corpse started to fall apart.

-Maybe you're right, admitted Big Boss, contemplating the tail left alone in his hand.

-You caught a wild tail ! That's so awesome ! said another voice.

Solid Snake was back without them noticing. He tried to lean towards the two men below him, lost his balance and just fell from the ceiling.

-There is a woman in the next cell, he announced before standing up.

Kaz, forgetting his clothes issues, raised his head.

-A what ?

Big Boss frenetically got between them.

-A whovian ! He said there is a whovian in the next cell !

Solid Snake frowned.

-No ! I said…

His foot was once again crushed. At the same time, his awkward situation alarm rang. Big Boss threatened him with the tail he was still holding.

-Didn't I say to disable this thing ?!

Solid Snake narrowly avoided the deadly weapon.

-That's not my awkward-situation alarm ! It's my clock one !

-In the middle of the afternoon ? And why is it the same sound as the awkward one ?

Solid Snake rapidly tapped away on a invisible keyboard and undertook to enumerate his various alarms along with the matching sound.

-This is the one for when I'd have to let my dog out if I had one... This one reminds me to feed my komodo dragon...

-It would be great to have a komodo dragon, pensively remarked Kazuhira.

Big Boss swept the proposition from the table.

-I gave you the green light for the sauna. But please don't bring back a giant lizard on Mother Base.

Solid Snake was pursuing his list.

-That one is for Mei-Ling calls…

-That's really discrete, mumbled Kaz.

Big Boss sat back on his turned bucket.

-You _do_ realize the sound is the same for all of your alarms, he tranquilly remarked.

-My nanomachines are from the first gen. I only have two sounds available for the moment. I'm waiting for the next upgrade.

Kazuhira raised a finger, still curious.

-What's the other one ?

-The ride of the Valkyries, if I remember well. Two seconds, I switch to that one.

-Why do you not simply activate the silent mode ? sighed Kaz.

-I...don't think there's one.

-That's a bit stupid for a sneaking mission.

Naked Snake looked daggers at him, making the blond man take a step away.

-Kaz ! I once wear a crocodile mask for this type of mission !

-What ? You never told me about that one !

Big Boss jumped on his feet, knocking over the bucket. The metal container rolled on the cement floor until it hit Kaz's bare ankles.

-You never asked.

Solid Snake timidly tried to interrupt them.

-There is…

Kazuhira pushed the bucket away with his foot.

-Now that we're at it, I find all this stuff with boxes stupid too !

-HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF BOXES IN SUCH AN INDELICATE WAY ?!

Solid Snake raised an arm.

-There is a…

Big Boss turned away from his right hand man to face Snake.

-SHUT THE FUCK UP !

Solid Snake stayed astonished for a few seconds, then turned his back to them and sat in the corner of the cell, his chin resting on his knees. A guilty look painted on Big Boss face. He took a step toward the sulking man, his arm stretched in his direction.

-Look, Snake, I didn't mean to…

He stopped, uneasy. His arm fell back alongside his body. He slowly did a turn along. Someone was picking at them through the rusty iron bars. Two non-assorted eyes met his blue one. The newcomer's totally blank pupil, even if it might be blind, was uncomfortably piercing him. The small opening in the door didn't let him detail the rest of his features.

-I have a message for you, articulated the newcomer in a metallic voice.

-A message ?

Solid Snake crossed his arms on his chest with a sufficient smile.

-I tried to warn you someone was here !

The visitor caught back their attention by tapping on one of the iron bars.

-I was sent by... He extirpated a creased paper from God knows where and tried to unfold it. « ...I can't read this. He wrote his name down there. »

He gave the note to Big Boss who gave a quick look at it.

-No kidding, it's written in japanese…Kaz !

The latter dragged his feet in his direction and grabbed the paper. After a few seconds, he raised his head to ask:

-Are you sure this is the real thing ?

-Why ?

Kaz raised the note above his head.

-It says « I'm Date Masamune »

Both Snakes looked at each others. Then at the intruder, who shrugged as a sign of incomprehension. Big Boss shook his head.

-Forget the name, what is the message about ?

The armored man pushed something through the iron bars. Kazuhira gave a disapproving look to the object.

-I conclude that a samurai dead for almost half a millennium sent an armored swordsman to three people he doesn't even know in order to give them a bottle of ketchup ?

The ride of the Valkyries filled the air.

-See ? Even this guy's awkward situation alarm agrees with me.

-It's not the alarm, it's the major, denied Solid Snake.

Kaz grinned.

-With the same sound again ?

Solid Snake put a knee to the ground and two fingers on his right ear, forgetting his codec was now integrated to his nanomachines and thus he was no longer wearing headphones. The major seemed to be in a hurry:

-Snake ! Did you find the DARPA chief ?

-No. But I found Master Miller !

-What is he even doing here ?

-I have no idea, but he dyed his hair blond.

-What ? He didn't even ask my approval before doing so !

-I...don't see the problem here…

-Anyway Snake, you have to find the DARPA chief !

Confused, Snake repeated:

-The DARPA chief ?

-Yes, where are you now?

-Uh...in prison. But a cyborg ninja brought me a bottle of ketchup.

-That's fine then. Good luck !

Solid Snake struggled to his feet thanks to Kaz standing on the end of his bandanna without realizing. Big Boss casually questionned:

-What's up ?

-We have to find the DARPA chief !

Big Boss raised an eyebrow, waiting for some precision. Seeing that Solid Snake was still starring at him, he asked:

-Who's the DARPA chief ?

-Haha...no idea.

« It's my turn to do the facepalm », whispered Kazuhira.

_**Shadow Moses Island, Otacon's Lab, 2005**_

Otacon removed his thick coat and sat loudly in a rolling chair. A light green parrot, gripped to the edge of his desk, opened his hooked beak.

-I missed you, Hal.

-You're going to say that each time I come back ?

-I missed you, Hal.

-And if I'm just going to the bathroom ?

-I will miss you, Hal.

-You know how to use the future !

-I miss you, Hal.

Emmerich stared at the bird. The parrot stared back at him. Raiden stared at them.

-Isn't that parrot...he began. He remember soon enough not to pronounce her name. The parrot gave him a suspicious look, tilting of the head from one side. After a few seconds, he said « I need scissors ! 61 ! ».

-Hey, how do you...

* * *

Please, correct my mistakes... I'm not familiar with the beta reader thing...

Hope you enjoyed it ! Please review !

PS: if one day I learn how to draw, I immediately make a cover picture for this fic.


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